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Why I am here?

22 Jul

I am 30 years old already. You know, when I was young, I have a lot of dream. Some dream is too fantasy like being a sentai hero, easily I just want to be recognize by people.
Now, after graduate, after seeing the real world…. All my dream is gone… I do not know where is it. My dream is back to very simple things like want to learn ukulele, taking a photo or making a youtube video. It’s sound stupid right?

I busy all the day with my job… I am bore to travel with friend… what wrong with me?
Many times I want to change the job. Not because I do not like my job but sometime I think this is not my place.
But I am to shame to resign…. Yes, money is the only reason.

Passed few years, I am interest in Dharma. Go to temple every weekend. Try to meditation every night. But for what?, this question still repeat in my head.
I do not know…. Some night I do not want to do anything… I just don’know what am I am doing for.
I feel like my life is empty… Job is just an illusion, everything is like a wind. It come and it had gone

Many times I try to motivate myself like try something new, do some interesting thing but after few weeks (or month), I lost my interesting. All of them are not interest to me anymore.
What is supposed to do? What is target of my life? What I am here? Or I am just a dust of universe.

Dharma is my answer? I do not know.
I really do not know. I am ever good in making a nice wording but not anymore.

 

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